Decorus Life

Get Out of Your Way

You have heard it so many times.  People have told us time and time again that we get in the way of our own success. We stop our own progression and procrastinate about all the things we need to do for ourselves.  The truth for many people is they spend all their time doing for others, and use it as a reason to not help themselves.

“I don’t have anytime, I have to work, take care of the kids, take care of my own parents” and the list goes on and on.  

Why? Why is it that we don’t take time out of each day to take care of ourselves? I’m sure some of you have heard the analogy of being on a plane.  The flight attendant explains where the emergency exits are, how to fasten your seat belt and if the air pressure changes in the cabin a mask will drop from the ceiling.  They explain that you must put your mask on first before putting it on a child or elderly person.  Do you know why? Like in life we need to have certain needs met in order to be at our best. The wisdom here is quite clear, we need to be safe first, before helping others. So, ask yourself, why is it that we do this on a plane and not in our everyday life?  The challenge is to give us permission to think more highly of ourselves and prioritise our self-care. I ask to you to reflect – are “you” not a high enough priority to make positive changes in our lives? Do you have the will to put yourself first so that you can be safe, healthy of mind, body and spirit? In turn it will allow you to be of service to those that matter to you the most.

As taken from the website, Choice Theory, is the work of William Glasser and is based on the simple premise that every individual only has the power to control themselves and has limited power to control others. Applying Choice Theory allows one to take responsibility for one’s own life and at the same time, withdraw from attempting to direct other people’s decisions and lives. One of the Faculty members of the Glasser Canada Board shared something that really resonated with me and that is; “We are not controlled by external psychology, we are an internal control system and work from the inside out”. 

If we understand this for its true meaning then time must be spent on doing the things that are going to make us the best versions of ourselves. The Platform that I wrote for my Life Coaching practice really emphasizes the important of exercising all three parts of the triangle of body mind and spirit. How are you nourishing yourself in these three areas each day?

I believe the following are the three most important starting points to help us get out of our own way in order to have the life we desire, and where I help my clients come to a place of peace and focus under what ever adversity they are facing.

1) Clarity – Most people can with great certainty talk about what they don’t like and expend so much energy really focusing on the “not what they want”.  If you believe in some universal power, energy or source then how is this entity supposed to assist you in any way, shape, or form if you are really are unclear as to what it is you really want? All your energy is talking about the negative and you need to get clear on what it is that you want. What I mean is that you need to know what you want from the various areas or compartments of your life, i.e. Loving Relationship, Career, Financial etc.

2) Discipline – We spend our days working so we can buy things and then fill up lives with material things and our time worrying about everyone else and we ignore ourselves. It is amazing that many people still believe that doing things for yourself is selfish. If you want your outside world to be good… your inside world has to be good. In order for you to be good on the inside it requires you to be disciplined. It really doesn’t matter what area of your life we are talking about. There is an old expression that was told to me long ago “The way you do one thing is the way that you do everything”. This includes what you do for yourself.

I provide challenges for my clients and it usually starts with sweating for 30 minutes a day, 15 of reading and or journaling and 15 minutes of meditation. That is a total of 1 hour. Do you mean to tell me out of 24, you don’t have one hour that you can do this? 

3) Will – There is an old ritual I still use today. This ritual requires you to say the words “It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion”. This means that it is your will that gets the mind pushing forward not the mind pushing your will.  At the end of the day you need to have the desire to go and get the life you want.  It’s not going to come to you by just talking about it; you have to put a plan into action. Coupled with will, is your own self-worth. You have to know in your heart of hearts that you are worth it. Think about how much you do for everyone else. You need to be the best version of you so you can be a better Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, Husband, wife, employer, and employee.  KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT.

I really hope that this resonates with some of you because in order for the world to get better we need you to be better and find balance within yourself! I would like to leave you with a small tip, the next time you are feeling some anxiety or are in a stressful situation. Start off by taking a few deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Then get up and go for a walk, a jog, a swim, or a bike ride. Whatever you can do, just move the body, move that energy that doesn’t serve you. Remember we can manage any perceptions of stress and often time we forget that our physiology, body movements goes a long way.